A regular reader sent me a link to Jugs for Justice. It is a site claiming to advocate for mens rights to joint parenting. As a mother, I am of course sympathetic to the cause of men wanting to be with their children. I feel that unless a parent is abusive a child gains from having both mother and father intimately involved in their lives. No child can ever be loved too much. There are of course some provisos to my support.
What I find disgusting about sites like this is the way that they have a tendency to dismiss why the current bias in the family court system exists to begin with. Lets not all have collective amnesia and ignore the fact that child rearing has historical been a responsibility abdicated by men. Despite the so called heroics of the men in question on sites like these, women continue to be the primary caregivers to children. SAHM’s still out number SAHD’s, and when both parents are working outside of the home, mothers routinely perform more domestic labour than fathers. That’s right domestic labour because child rearing includes having a clean home, clean clothes and meals prepared. Remember the whole public/private sphere divide, it certainly wasn’t women that created that.
Most lawyers and judges are men, so railing against women for sexism in the court system is fruitless. WE DO NOT CONTROL IT. Just look at the male to female ratio on the supreme court. I don’t believe that anyone could call the judiciary an example of matriarchal tyranny. The fathers rights movement could take a feminist approach to this issue but instead it insists on being combative towards women. A lot of these men who profess such undying love for their children have no problem demonizing their ex wives, who btw are the mothers of said children, and relying on misogyny to support their claims. They could rightfully claim that this is a perfect example of how sexism hurts men to but instead they dedicate themselves to spewing vitriol at all women because the imaginary vagina conspiracy is ruining them. They further refuse to acknowledge the ways in which male bodies exist with privilege. How many men have you heard whining and complaining about having to pay child support? How many men have you heard questioning where the money they are paying is going? Hello, if the woman uses the money to pay the water bill or the electricity bill in a home that your child lives in, then the money is going to support your child, or do you think that child would be better off in a home without electricity and running water? On average it costs 125,000 to raise a child to age of 18 and that is not including University. Why should the woman have to shoulder that expense on 77 cents to every dollar a man makes when she clearly did not produce that child on her own? When I see sites like Jugs for Justice, I do not feel compelled to offer any kind of sympathy. They are just another MRA group, intent on using sexism to assert a “right” that men continue to run screaming from. If you can stand clicking on the above link that I provided what you will find are pictures of breasts and stories about men that have been discriminated against. How does sexualizing the female body link to parenting? It seems to me that the only link would be that menz are upset that there is an area in which patriarchy has not yet seen fit to allow them to dominate. So why not just show a few tits, along the way slut shaming women because real mothers would be submissive and pure. Real mothers would subjugate their will to fathers. It doesn’t matter if you no longer co-habitate with a man, if you share a genetic link with him through a child he should retain the right unto death to control your life. If that means he needs to slut shame you to get his way so be it. Groups like this are divisive because they continue to use misogyny and irrationality to support their arguments. It does not support children to spew hatred at their mothers. Exactly what good is a father to a daughter if he continual spews hatred and bitterness towards women? Is he not teaching her that on some level that there is something despicable about her as well? Not a single one of these groups will make substantive gains until they can check the sexism that runs rampant in them. The hatred and naked anger are obvious to anyone with eyes to see it. If you truly love your child, you will not resort to misogyny to gain visitation.