I think that I used to have a longer fuse before I started blogging, but it seems these days, fuck you, is a common answer from me. For the longest time I blamed it on the prednisone that I take, but now I really believe that it is the medium that I work in. I know that my two day break over the weekend, does not make me any less prone to tell someone to F themselves first thing Monday morning if they irritate me. Of course, this gives rise to conversation in which it is asserted that I am bully, or my tone is off, perhaps I will be told that I am condescending and not really interested in conversation. This of course is coupled with gee I love what Renee of Womanist Musings has to say, but I don’t agree with her all the time. Shit. Really? You mean you don’t take everything I say as the word of God, how will my ego ever survive that? Do you agree with every word your parent, boss, lover or friends say? Of course not, but do you find yourself constantly saying that when you describe them? Oh, here is my so so, and I don’t agree with everything they say. I don’t expect anyone to agree with anything I write, so don’t expect me to write something that lines up with your ideological position–sometimes it is what it is.
If I tell you that you are not getting an apology, that pretty much means that pigs will fly first, because my opinion has become entrenched. Continuing to carry on the argument with me for weeks and adding your commentary to different threads, is not going to change my mind. In fact, it will probably result in me telling you to fuck off, giving you a warning and then eventually banning your ass — because stress is the last thing I need from a site that does not pay a living wage. One more thing, telling me that I am crushing dissent probably won’t get you anywhere when the archives of this blog are filled with people telling me how wrong I am, how stupid I am, or that I cannot write a nuanced piece. Finally, whining about your first amendment rights is probably going to give rise to scorn from me, considering that I am a Canadian.
Don’t refer to me in gender neutral pronouns, it is as offensive as hell. I get that I am cis and het, but my gender is very clearly defined as female on this blog. Even my name which is spelled with two e’s denotes my female status. I get that it might be cool to some people, but it sure as fuck is not cool to me. The blog is called Womanist Musings, who the fuck do you think is writing this? My gender is anything but ambiguous
While I am on pet peeves, telling me that I have to watch what I say because of the size of my platform is going to result in ridicule. I know how many people read this blog — and I know what is and is not a huge platform okay. Go to alexia and check out Womanist Musings and then compare it to sites like Jezebel, Feminsiting, or Dooce. Despite the fact that the community here is very engaged, a fact which I am thankful for btw, Womanist Musings is not a large site. It does not have overwhelming influence. The one bonus of a small site like this, is that I am going to engage with you. I care about your concerns, but if you were to take your angst over to any of the other larger sites, do you think they would give a shit about what you have to say? It’s the difference between being a blip on the stat counter and a person. You may not always like my response — but I will respond to you, and not pretend that your dissent does not exist.
And for the love of God, stop telling me that I hate, White women, White people, children, trans people, gay people etc and etc. I don’t hate White people but I hate Whiteness. There is a very clear distinction between the two and I am tired as hell of having this conversation. White women you need to get over yourself. I am not going to fawn all over you and I will tell you when I think you have fucked up or what historical wrongs I discern as problematic. I know that you are used to being treated like a wilted flower, but that is not going to happen here. I love children. I talk about my own a lot and I encourage other women to speak about their parenting experiences in the hopes of having real critical conversations about motherhood. My take on a situation may be different than yours, but outside of a traditional mommy blog, I dare you to find another space that is committed to having a child and mother space. Finally, I have not always been the perfect ally, but that stands to reason, because I am not a perfect person. I mess up and I will continue to mess up. The difference between me and others: I say I am sorry and I mean it. I own all of my mistakes and try very hard not to make them twice — but I promise you I will mess up again. I don’t give backhanded apologies, I simply say that I messed up and that I am sorry. I think that what bothers me in this situation is the lack of recognition that I dare to do this publicly and the risk that this entails to my person. You make your comment and run away, but I put myself out there everyday.
On a finale note, I put up with this nonsense approximately 360 odd days a year. So if over the course of time, I get tired of having the same conversation and have a day when I am just snarky and irritable, so the fuck be it. I don’t know anyone that could perform at the level that is constantly expected from social justice bloggers. I am a realist and am very aware that there is a difference between what you expect from me and someone you interact with in your everyday life and it is bullshit. The level of perfection is unattainable because we are all still flawed – accept it. I try and make this space as safe as I can. I sometimes miss comments and so I count on you for help, but this space is only as safe and intersectional as we all make it. Don’t forget for one moment you are dealing with a flawed human being, because that is exactly what I am and while you are at it, remember that your level of perfection is questionable as well.