Things Asians Hate

I came across this following video on The Angry Asian man, a blog you should be reading, if you aren’t already.  It is done by comedian Eliot Chang and essentially details many of the ridiculously racist thing that have been said to him.

transcript below the fold

What kind of Asian are you? You speak really good English.  When did you come to America? Where are you from? No, I mean where are you really from? Can you teach me how to use chop sticks?  You don’t even have an accent. What’s your real name?  Are you Chinese? Are you Korean? Are you Japanese? Seriously, what the fuck are you? You were born here? What language do you speak at home? Do you get good grades?  Do you know kung fu? Do you know karate? Are there swords in your house? My friend is Chinese, do you know him? Say my name in your language. What do you think about Jeremy Lin? How many car accidents have you been in?  Can you tell the difference between other Asians? I’ve never heard of that country. What’s MSG? Can you read this? (Holding a book with a language I don’t recognize).  Can you solve this (points to a board with an equation on it) Can you do my math homework?  Can you fix this (hold up a laptop) You’re Korean (then speaks in what I presume is Korean) Come on that was pretty good huh. What are those Asians saying?  What’s a Filipino? Are you two related? I would never date an Asian. I only date Asians. I don’t have a fetish. I totally have a fetish. Do only date Asian girls? Do you only date White girls?  Would you date a Black girl? You would? How come you only hang out with Asians? How come you never hang out with Asians? Why don’t you have any Black friends? Why do you only have Black friends?  Are Filipino’s Mexican? You’re Chinese, I love sushi.  Does it bother you when I call you a gook? Why can’t I call you an oriental? It’s okay for me to call you a chink because we’re friends. Why are you being so sensitive? I’m not a racist, my girlfriend is Asian.  I do a really good Chinese accent.  You are such a typical Asian. You are so not Asian. You’re such a banana – yellow on the outside, white on the inside.  You’re Catholic, I thought you all worshiped Buddha. When did Asians get so good at dancing? Asians are taking over everything.  You’re Japanese? Do you eat sushi at home?  Are ninjas real? Has anyone in your family ever killed themselves?  You’re not really American? Are your parents strict?  What would your parents do to you if you don’t bring home straight A’s? Were your parents in the war? Which side?  Are you mixed? Mixed Asians are hotter than full Asians. I would let you drive, but I want to get there alive. Why do you take care of your grandparents? Just put them in a home. You don’t speak Chinese? Isn’t it all the same? And that is how you parallel park; see how easy that is. You’re from Korea, North or South? Are you a doctor? Are you a geisha? Are you an engineer? You have really big eyes for an Asian, no offense. Are you high, or is that just the way your eyes look?  Do you ever get surgery on your eyes? Is that your real hair color?  You have big boobs for an Asian girl. Do you eat fortune cookies at home? Do you love Hello Kitty? Do you drive one of those Tokyo drift racing cars?  Do you watch animee? Do you eat dogs?  Do you have side ways vaginas? How big is your dick? You know for an Asian girl, you have a really nice ass.  That’s a compliment. Watch this (he does gangnam style)

I loved this video from start to finish.  No matter what marginalized group you belong to, people will always say the most offensive things and then deny that what they have just said shows their privilege.  I think that this video is particularly important because far too many believe that Asians, more than any other racial group don’t face racism.  They are thought of as the good people of colour by many and fetishized ridiculously.  Of course all of this has been done to create a divide between people of colour.  As long as you are of colour in a White supremacist state, you will negotiate racism. What were your thoughts on the video?

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One comment on “Things Asians Hate
  1. Jeff "The Asian Guy" Hammond says:

    What do I have to do to become Asian?