We need a ruling oh internet, yes yes we do. This is Important because having extra people who agree with you helps you win arguments.
(Well, not really, but I’m perfectly happy to resort to it if necessary).
Beloved loves to share. He is the sharing sort. And by “sharing” I mean “won’t keep his grubby hands out of my stuff” of course. What? Perfectly understandable, you cry? After all am I not a person of discerning taste, stunning good judgement and impeccable class? Of course he would want my stuff! (Renee, Danny, Tami – Hush).
And yes, you would be right so I, due to my fabulously generous spirit and incredible kindness, hardly raise even a token objection when Beloved rifles through my wardrobes – even though he is slightly bigger than me and tends to stretch and ruin everything *ahem*
But, but but – Lines have to be drawn, right?
And I insist on drawing them around my toothbrush. That’s my toothbrush. He has his own toothbrush. There is absolutely no need for him to use my toothbrush. It’s also extremely disgusting, I’m sure all right thinking people agree.
Beloved argues that it’s ridiculous to think him stealing my toothbrushes is gross – he argues that if you’re willing to majorly kiss someone, how can you object to them using your toothbrush?
I’m sure he’s obviously and clearly wrong… I just haven’t quite discovered WHY yet (beyond the fact I am Always right and he is Always wrong, which is a given).
But I’m sure you, oh right thinking people, agree with me, right? Right?
And in doing so you will also agree that he shouldn’t borrow my underwear either (and yes he has a similar argument for why that is ok and I’m sure I don’t have to go into detail).
And lastly (and here Renee betrays me, but clearly the moose have eaten her brain) he steals my shirts (which are TOO small for him) and rolls around in them, even trying to sleep in them (briefly, before tearing them off and throwing them in the floor in the middle of the night. The words “tear”, “throwing” and “floor” are most certainly relevant here). Sparky is not amused by this flagrant abuse of his clothes. In fact, the Sparky property has not been so abused by borrowing since the days of my brother borrowing my books (and I don’t know what he does with books. Eats them I think).
So, join me in shaming my best Beloved. It’s for his own good, really. And totally not about me claiming moral highground in future bickering.