As longtime readers know, I am a dog person. I was delighted when my family adopted a yellow lab/ king sheppard cross. Ms. Sookie, as she has come to be known, has turned out to be the great equalizer. You see, including the undog Darren, there are four males in my home. This of course has led to a few issues, and this is specifically why I demanded a female dog. Someone else had to squat to pee other than me. So now we are two against four, but I think that we only need the two of use to keep the boys and yes that includes the unhusband in line.
I started training Ms. Sookie right away. We were out for a walk at the park when Chewie, the shih tzu, thought that he would get fresh with my girl. I thought he was up to something, when I noticed how long he lingered during the customary bum smell greeting and so I watched him closely. Let me tell you, that dog has a deformity, because never in my life have I seen testicles that huge — never mind on a shih tzu. Sookie hasn’t even had her first heat yet and this horny little thing thought he would mount her. Well, he went to make his move and I yanked on Ms. Sookie’s lead pulling her out the way announcing, “you’re a womanist dog you don’t have to put up with his shit”. Of course, Chewie’s owner Brian, gave me a weird look as we proudly walked out the park together, but I think that is the last time Chewie will step out of line with my girl.
Darren, the undog was the first pet we adopted and as such, he pretty much thought he owned the house and us! He was supposedly an outdoor cat, but every time we open the door to give him a chance to explore the neighborhood, he looks at us like we have lost our ever loving minds and snuggles up on the couch. Darren naturally was the first male in the home that Sookie sought to put in his place. Like a typical male, Darren would taunt Sookie from a distance, meowing loudly in front of her kennel when he knew she could not get out. He has been known to crawl on us for a cuddle, if he can sense Sookie watching to assert his ownership. Cowardly kitty that he is, he runs upstairs the moment she is free. They have effectively divided the house, with her owning the downstairs and Darren the upstairs. I would say that makes one male in the household now tame.
Sookie has also decided that the baby’s underwear and socks make great chew toys. Though we have tried to break her of this habit, it seems that nothing is as tasty as socks and underwear. At this moment, I don’t believe the baby owns a pair of drawers without a big gaping hold in them. That would be male number two who has been put in his place.
Because of my disability, Destruction and the unhusband split the walking duties. Though she is not perfectly housebroken yet, she barks loudly when she wants to go and one or both of them must stop what they are doing immediately to take her out. They don’t see this as a form of control, but really it is. Think about it. Sookie has also been occasionally known walk them, instead of them walking her, should she happen to see a squirrel worth investigating. Then of course, there is the unpleasant task of scooping. I think that means she has mastered some measure of control over the Unhusbad and Destruction.
Slowly but surely Ms. Sookie is changing the balance in the household. I never dreamed that this day would happen, when they started to lecture me about lifting the toilet seat when I was done. Ms. Sookie has managed to accomplish in just under two months, what I have been trying to do for years. It is an accomplishment to be celebrated. All of you women who are living in an all male household, my advice to you is to get a female dog; sometimes it takes a real bitch to put the testosterone back in its place. ‘
There is a part of me that is a little upset that I needed to help to get the men in line, but I guess Sookie proves that membership has its privileges and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Of course, this is exactly what I had hoped for the moment the boys started asking for a dog. One must do what one can to fight patriarchy. What odd methods have you taken to assert female agency and what do you think I should train Sookie to do, to continue to challenge the male oppression in my household?