The Passive Pussy

(warning the following image is not suitable for people under 18, Adult content do not open at work, or around children)

The following is an image from a video that can be found at Fleshbot.  No I wasn’t on a porn search when I found it, I was following a link from Don’t You Wish Your Girlfriend Was Smart Like MeEven if I was actively seeking porn it would still be cool, so don’t even think of judging.  I wanted to post the video but  ran into technical difficulties, so follow the link and watch it. 

passivp What caught my attention was not the gratuitous fucking, but the manner of fucking (yes this is going to be a dirty, dirty post) From the still pic I have posted for those that are to timid to follow the link, it is clear that the male is shall we say “engaged”, and the woman is staring blandly at what I can only assume is a television. Talk about an exciting lay.  Throughout the brief video it is clear that he is just giving his 100%, while she passively lays there and “allows” him to fuck her.

I have cursed a lot already but you were warned.  Here is my problem with this video..and no I’m not upset because it is porn, I am upset because it is a perfect example of how we understand sex.  When we think of heterosexual sex it is always something that the man does to the woman.  The male is almost always the active body, and the female the passive body.  Women say I want you to fuck me, or fuck me harder (if the sex is any good at least) and men say I am going to fuck you, or I am going to put my cock inside you. Common phrases that I am sure that we can all agree upon.  Even when the homophobes joke, they create the so-called “feminine” or docile body, as the one on the receiving end of the penis…think pitcher/catcher analogy (btw I am using the example but still deplore it)

Even our pet names for genitalia  are associated with gender specific qualities…Let’s do a little experiment. Say the word pussy and now say cock. Immediately pussy conjures up images of softness whereas cock leads the mind to something hard and unyielding.  Since the language that we use to talk about something is a direct indicator of how we understand it, constructing the woman as sexually passive is extremely problematic.  The sexually passive female is a reflection of the ways in which women are socially constructed.  Good women submit, good girls don’t really enjoy sex.

Much time is dedicated to slut shaming.  Though we claim to live in a sexually liberated society, in actuality we spend much time disciplining sex, and limiting sexual expression.  A woman who enjoys sex and participates in it liberally with various partners is quickly labelled a whore, or a slut. When you enjoy sex or being sexual, suddenly you have internalized the male gaze and this is partially  because of which body constitutes the active body.

Even something as innocuous as masturbation has become the preserve of males. Men can not only talk about self gratification without any fear of stigmatization, it is expected that they actively participate in it. The same freedom to explore the body is not granted to women. Not only is a pussy passive, it is inherently dirty.  Touching your own is to participate in a cultural taboo that is  recognized as a shameful act. Unfortunately many women adhere to masturbation as the preserve of males and  needlessly deny themselves pleasure. Is it any wonder that so many women have difficulty climaxing? If you don’t know what feels good, how can you direct your partner in the best way to please you sexually.  Having a good understanding of your body is the first step towards achieving sexual fulfillment.

Ultimately the passive pussy is limiting to women. We need to begin to rethink the ways in which we understand passive and active as it relates to sexuality. Who says that the woman does not envelop the man, taking her pleasure as she sees fit? We are not only entitled to our orgasms, we have a right to demand them, and act specifically in pursuit of them.  Until we can stop feeling shame about our bodies and appreciate sex for the pleasurable experience that it is capable of being, we will forever sleep in the “wet spot” frustrated and stymied by our own attempts to deny one of the most basic drives of humanity.  Stop waiting for him to fuck you, fuck him instead!

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