The Marriage Proposal: The Supposed Black Point Of View

I am sure like me, you are getting sick and tired of the constant media commentary about the state of the Black marriage, or Black women that simply cannot find a good Black man.  All of these conversations presume that marriage is the path to happiness and is therefore something everyone eventually wishes to embark upon.  They also presume that the Black community is universally heterosexual.  Maybe some of those lovely sisters who can’t find a man, weren’t looking for one in the first place — but heaven forbid we do anything but create a generalized stereotype (read: steaming pile of bullshit) that is reflective of the community as a whole.

It seems that a series of animated videos have gone viral on youtube by playing on the phenomenon.


Woman:  Sisters are you tired of being alone?  Well I am.
Man: What are you talking about? I’m right here.
Woman: Where are all the good Black men? I just can’t find one.
Man: What am I invisible or something?
Woman: I got my B.A. from Spelman College and my JDMBA from Wharton.  I’m a pew jumping, bible thumping, tambourine waving, non fornicating Christian, who believes in the Lord and follows everything in the Bible. 
Man: Oh, nice.  The bible says wives submit to your husbands.
Woman: I believe everything in the bible except that part.  Anyway, like I was saying, I can’t find any good Black men.
Man: What are you looking for?
Woman: I want a man who earns six figures.
Man: That’s me
Woman: A man who has integrity, good credit and loves him mom.
Man: Me, me and me
Woman: A man that will pay all of the bills, yet recognize that I’m an independent woman.
Man: How can you be independent when someone else pays all of your bills?
Woman: A man who can take charge, lead and direct his household at least until I disagree with his direction.  Then he must turn over his balls and give them to me because I am a strong professional womanist. If he doesn’t do this, I will take him for 25% of his gross in my divorce settlement and I will ruin his kids for life, and forever turn them against him.
Man: O-kay
Woman: A man who will make me laugh, whose a thug and can fit in with the boys in the boardroom. A man who can kick it in the neighborhood and on the golf course.
Man: Holler if you hear me.
Woman: A man who can deal with all of this energy and passion.
Man: You mean attitude.
Woman: Don’t go there, I have 9-1-1 on speed dial. I want someone who is supportive and not threatened by the fact that I have a career and I am a strong independent woman. A man who knows I don’t need a man, who will open doors and pay for every dinner and date we go on.
Man: Wow that’s confusing. Career minded strong independent woman, who doesn’t need a man but you expect to have your way through life paid for by your man.
Woman: A man who won’t bug me for sex more than four time a month, even though he does have 300 million new sperm pumping through his testicles on a daily basis.  I only have one egg and he better get used to being spayed and neutered during him prime and for the next 30 years of his life.  And he better not so much as look at another woman below her eyebrows. 
Man: Okay
Woman: He also has to know never to ask me to put my mouth down there.
Man: Down where?
Woman: That nasty place in your pants.
Man: Nasty?
Woman: Yes, Also he needs to be man enough to deal with a heavy woman because I will probably add 20 pounds around my gut after five years of marriage.
Man: Wow, well you drive a hard bargain, but because I love you so much, I’m willing to make the sacrifice.
Woman: No, you’re too weak.  I want a man with a backbone who won’t let me run all over him, besides you’re not 6’5 and that’s a deal breaker.

You will notice that nowhere in her demands does she use the word love.  I suppose their version of the strong professional Black woman is really looking for someone to submit to her demands, while paying to support her. The idea that there are all of these available Black men and that Black women are turning down, because we are too picky is ridiculous.  The numbers of Black men that are incarcerated alone, makes that an impossibility, but why deal with  the terrible truth of Black men languishing in the prison industrial complex, when Black women can be told to settle. And of course she is a terrible person – she is a womanist and everyone knows womanists are humourless ball busters that insist on equality in relationships. 

I am sick of the implication that Black men are being over run by Black women.  In this video, it is repeatedly brought up that the woman is independent, as though something is wrong with that.  A Black woman needs to be strong and independent.  No relationship is a guarantee and so you better be able to support yourself and your children. By the way, how exactly are these children showing up, if Black women aren’t into sex?  This video is just one negative attack against Black women after another, is anyone surprised that it went viral?

I really do wish that the series had stopped there but it went on.

And on:

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I suppose the creators of this series believes that they have made good social commentary, but it seems to me that ze worked very hard to  reaffirm many of the negative messages about the Black community and relationships between Black men and Black women.  In no way is this series rehabilitated, because Tyrone chose a Black woman in the end; he still agreed with everything negative that Becky had to say about Black women.  I agree that we need to have a conversation about relationships, the Black family, and how men and women relate to each other, but if it begins with demeaning Black women ,nothing can be accomplished. These videos aren’t about getting people to talk, they are about forcing Black women to be submissive and supporting the Black male patriarchy.  Yes, poor downtrodden, and ignored Black men are just as capable of being sexist.  If you need a reference point, re-watch the three videos.

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