Jesus Loves Me Panties


“Hey mom, how many times has this happened to you? You raise your children as good Christians with good family values but times have changed and these days thanks to the MTV kids think about nothing but sex and we all know where that leads.  Now, thanks to modern technology, you never have to worry again.  Introducing Jesus loves me panties.  The image of our Lord and saviour is guaranteed to stop even our lustiest young gentleman. Your little girls know that Jesus loves her; now you can be sure that only Jesus loves her.  How much would you expect to pay for this? 50$, a hundred dollars?  But wait there’s more.

Like so many good Christian girls, you made a promise to Daddy to save your virginity for your wedding night but this crazy modern world is so full of temptations.  It’s the my two fathers digital necklace equipped with a body heat lust activated sensor capable of detecting imminent fornication. Help your little girl remember the promise she made to her father on earth and her father in heaven.  For a limited time, absolutely free with any order of Jesus loves me panties.  Get your Jesus loves me panties and your  my two fathers necklace now for only 19.99.  That’s right 19.99.  These items are not available in stores, act now while supplies last.

Once again, because I am easily amused I simply had to share this video with you.  I do believe that this is a great bit of satire.  Instead of teaching their children proper sex education, the right relies on slut shaming and  ridiculous gimmick products to control young women.  There can be no doubt, that this is not about curtailing male behaviour because as this faux commercial illustrates, all of their intentions revolve around keeping the family vagina pure. 

I am also amused by the fact that this video makes an excellent point about the commodification of religion.  These days, if you have something that you simply cannot sell, all you need to do is call it Christian or slap the word Jesus on it, followed by a few amens and you have yourself a winner.  Do we really need Holy underwear?  Yes, this ad is a farce, however there are certainly clothing items in existence whose whole purpose is to push the message of abstinence. Why talk to children about safe sex when we can by them fancy new underwear? It’s a win for the fundies and corporations, the only ones that lose are the children.

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