Season Finale of Game of Thrones! Wow that passed quickly! Just in case you’re getting lost, here’s another link to HBO’s excellent guide to the series.
After being injured in the last episode, Tyrion wakes up, heavily bandaged and calls his serving boy Pod to tell Varys and Bronn that he’s alive (awake 2 seconds and he’s already thinking of politics). While he was unconscious his room was moved – and he is no longer Hand of the King (since he was only holding the rank until Tywin appeared).
In the throne room, Tywin rides in on a white horse (thankfully they don’t have carpets so it’ll be easy to clean up after) while Joffrey pretentiously welcomes him, thanks him for saving the city and names him Hand of the King. I’m vaguely hopeful about the possibility of Tywin – who doesn’t suffer fools easily – strangling the little monster at the earliest possible opportunity. Indeed Tywin already makes this clear by saying “ta for that” and riding out again.
To reward Baelish (oily little squit) for getting the Tyrells on side he gets Haranhall, the big impressive dragon-fired castle. It also earns a venomous side-eye from Varys.
And Loras Tyrell is asked to name his reward for bringing his house in support – and Loras asks for Joffrey to marry his sister, Margaery. Margaery assures everyone that’s what she wants. He protests that he’s promised to another (Sansa) – but the small council (so says Cersei) says it’s wrong for him to marry the daughter and brother of traitors anyway (and Margaery is, politically, a more powerful and useful match). Cersei asks him to set Sansa aside. Pycelle speaks up on behalf of the Septa as well assuring Joffrey he has no duty to marry Sansa (it seems Joffrey is eager to keep Sansa to abuse after all, she has no champions. He cannot abuse Margaery in the same way he does her). Joffrey agrees to marry Margaery.
Sansa leaves the room, apparently distraught but once her back is turned she starts laughing – until Baelish turns up to offer condolences – and to tell her that she’s not safe. Just because she’s not betrothed to Joffrey any more doesn’t mean he won’t abuse her – and beat and rape her. Not being her fiancé doesn’t mean he won’t touch her. As ever, Baelish is obsessed with Catelyn the Spunky and because of that he will help Sansa.
Meanwhile, Varys is meeting Ros in a brothel (it’s been a while, but Game of Thrones will always return to the brothels) and Ros begins to strip (I think the actor who plays Ros may get a reflex where she starts to disrobe every time a camera is pointed at her) until Varys tells her not to. He instantly begins to question Ros about Lord Baelish – and seeing the potential in Ros beyond just being a prostitute. He also says that he doesn’t tolerate his servants being abused (and I actually believe him, as he’s one of the few people in the show who appears to be decent and not foolish. It’s a short list.) Baelish has made a very bad enemy.
Varys goes on to meet with Tyrion and inform him that during the battle his sister tried to have him killed and that’s why he was attacked and hurt. Bron has also been relieved of command of the city watch as well, the gold cloaks are now in Tywin’s hands. The Hill Tribesmen he hired have also left. At least Varys acknowledges that Tyrion is the only reason Stannis didn’t win the battle – but no-one else will. Shea joins him to examine Tyrion’s wound- he thinks she should charge him double for being scarred and a dwarf, which offends Shae deeply because she is not there for the money. Shae urges him to leave Kings Landing since he can trust no-one there – she wants to flee to Pentos. But he won’t – he’s too good at the politics and he enjoys the politics so much that he can’t bring himself to leave. Shae refuses to go without him.
Brienne, at the behest of Catelyn the Spunky and in the absence of anything even remotely resembling common sense is escorting Jaime Lannister home. He continues to banter with her – especially sexually. They find 3 hanged women with the sign “they laid with lions” attached – probably hanged as collaborators for being friendly with Lannister soldiers. Brienne ties Jaime up, intending to bury them and three men (who will probably die soon) approach mocking Brienne. She pretends Jaime is a thief being taken to justice at Riverrun. Despite that, one of them recognises Jaime – and he has a great method for testing if they’re lying. Brienne kills 2 of them quickly – and 1 of them slowly, just like the three hanged women while Jaime looks on looking rather poleaxed. Oh I like her. Then she buries the hanged women.